Humor topic

[Supermariobros]

Onderweg naar hun bruiloft, verongelukt het jonge katholieke koppel bij een fataal auto ongeluk. Het volgende moment bevinden ze zich voor de hemelpoort waar ze op Petrus wachten om hun toegang te verwerken. Terwijl ze wachten vragen ze zich af of ze in de Hemel kunnen trouwen. Wanneer Petrus opdaagt, vragen ze het hem. Petrus antwoordt:
"Ik weet het niet. Dit is de eerste keer dat iemand dat vraagt. Ik ga het wel even uitzoeken."

Het koppel wacht, en wacht. Twee maanden gaan voorbij en het koppel wacht nog steeds. Terwijl ze aan het wachten waren, discussieerden ze over, als ze mochten trouwen in de Hemel, hoe het zou zijn om voor eeuwig getrouwd te zijn.
"Wat als het niet werkt?" vroegen ze zich af, "zitten we dan voor eeuwig aan elkaar vast?"

Na nog een maand keert Petrus eindelijk terug en hij ziet er afgepeigerd uit.
"Ja", zegt hij, "jullie kunnen trouwen in de hemel."
"Dat is geweldig!" zegt het koppel, "maar we vroegen ons af, wat als het ons huwelijk niet werkt? Kunnen we dan ook een scheiding aanvragen in de Hemel?"
Petrus komt rood aan van woede en gooit zijn klapbord op de grond.
"Wat is er?" vraagt het koppel angstig.
"Kom op zeg!" schreeuwt Petrus, "het kostte mij drie maanden om een priester hier te vinden! Heb je enig idee hoe long het gaat duren voordat ik een advocaaut vindt?!"

[Enzo]

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/18691/a5d96678/telefoon_spam_prank.html

[Supermariobros]

Een oud manneke ligt in het ziekenhuis onder de lakens aan de sjarel te

snokken.

Komt er een knap jong verpleegstertje voorbij. Ze schiet de kamer in,

trekt de lakens weg, en begint opa als een bezetene te pijpen.

Nadat ze het kwakje heeft ingeslikt zegt het ventje "Aamai, da's hier

nogal service".

"Dat is het niet" zegt het verpleegstertje, "maar ik kan sneller mijn

mond spoelen dan jouw lakens verversen".

[Enzo]

http://brawnsbeards.com/index.html

[tune]

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01667/webber_1667487c.jpg

Red bull geeft je vleugels? 

[Enzo]

Flauw, maar aan de andere kant zie ik een interessante reklame mogelijkheid voor Red Bull...

[Enzo]

De bier reclames laten me toch steeds weer lachen, ook deze van Guiness...
http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/1025601/ed8bce24/in_je_eentje_drinken_.html

[Franky R.]

Newest drugs following the success of Viagra:

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

[Franky R.]

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69...

[Franky R.]

Vond deze op het web. Het is soms een beetje te flauw voor woorden, maar er zit soms goede grappen in...

THE F1 JOKE


9 AM

- Hamilton gets up. Near his bed Ron Dennis kiss him good morning and gives him a advertising campaign contract. He has just to run alongside a Yorkshire Terrier to promote a new dog food.
- Kovalainen gets up. He is alone in a bungalow in the middle of a british forest.
- Alonso gets up. Insults a photo of Hamilton, smiles at a Piquet's one and hits the shower.
- Massa wakes up. He goes to the bathroom but Badoer is already there. Massa his quite tense co's he has to pee.
- Vettel still sleeps like a baby. It's not time for school yet.
- Raikkonen wakes. He wants to sleep more. He sleeps more. Wakes for 3 minutes. Them he sleeps for 30. And wakes for 3 more. And sleeps...
- Coulthard gets up with the help of a wheel chair. As he crashes that wheel chair against the night stand he decides to walk.
- Webber is already at breakfast.
- Fisichella and Barrichello couldn't sleep.
-Heifield is in vacations at Berlin. As he reaches a bar to breakfast he meets Sakon Yamamoto. Bar tender wants an autograph of Yamamoto and asks who that beard guy alongside him is.


10 AM

- Massa NEEDS TO PEE and everyone goes to the bathroom before him!
- Robert Kubica gets the "I look so like Prost award" from a French magazine.
- Alonso gets to breakfast. He's undecided about which table to chose. He starts eating from one but looks to another all the time.
- Webber is already testing. There are no cars at Red Bull factory. They give him a Citroen NemoVan hdi.
- Raikkonen wakes and in a few minutes he's gone to breakfast after having passed Massa to get the bathroom first. Even so Kimi fails to eat that cake he likes so much."tomorrow I'll wake up earlier."
- Hamilton races a dog before breakfast. He's hungry. The dog.
- Renault mechanic searches for the 0,6 tenths in Alonso's luggage.
- Ross Brawn receives a package.
- Kovalainen needs to get to wooking to work. But he has to go on foot.
- Ferrari guys take breakfast but the tea tastes funny.
- Massa is relaxed and drinks coffee.

11 AM

- The dog wins the race with Hamilton. The animal gets a reward: He eats his new food. Hamilton crashes into him and brakes his tail.
- Massa hits the shower. The Brazilian can't stand still under the shower. He falls in the bathtub.
- Coulthard Barrichello and Fisichella reach breakfast.
- Ron Dennis sees Nelson Piquet Junior and ignores him.
- Raikkonen pushes an old man that was near his vital space.
- Damn! It was David Coultard. The scotch pushes him back. Adrian Sutil asks if he can do it too.
- Massa tries to get out of the bath. But that bathtub is so slippery.
- Kovalainen is lost.


2 PM-

- An old lady beats Heidfield with an umbrella co's she thinks he's a thief
- Nelson Piquet wonders if Ron Dennis has anything against him.
- Kovalainen gets help from a farmer, a mechanic, a pair of squirrels and the wind to get to work.
- Hamilton has a sponsor campaign: All he has to do is to his to paint a Van Gogh with his eyes closed while flying.
- Raikkonen sleeps.
- Ross Brawn his having trouble in opening up that mail package.
- Jenson Button is sad. No one talks about him anymore.
- Coulthard, Barrichello and Fisichella get to lunch
- Webber is dinning.
- Alonso insults Hamilton while taking a nap.

6 PM

- Kovalainen arrives at work. But no one is there anymore.
- Ferrari calls Jacques Villeneuve.
- Raikkonen is still sleeping
- Bourdais calls America.
- Villeneuve asks Ferrari if they finally want his services.
- Ferrari want Villeneuve's services. They want him to taste they're tea.
- Nelson Piquet Junior talks Piquet Senior about Ron Dennis ignoring him. The father tells him about all the pranks he made to Dennis even before he was born.
- Webber puts the Citroen in the 2 nd row of a Formula 3 race.
- Hamilton new campaign means he has to walk naked in Barcelona. Banco Santander guarantees that it is a winning campaign.

8 PM

- Kovalainen goes back to his bungalow.
- Vettel goes to bed
- Raikkonen wants sex with his wife."ok, but it's just a quickie kimi." Kimi underperforms. He's not used to the condom's rubber.
- Jenni picks her beautiful red dress and goes out with her friends.
- Ross Brawn still couldn't manage to open the package.
- Heidfield and Button get depressed together.
- Hamilton does an ad while dinning

11 PM

- Raikkonen stays at home not caring and completely wasted
- Piquet wonders how it would be to be son of Prost.
- Kubica thinks he's son of Prost
- Massa meets Jenni and her friends in a bar and seduces her. She lets herself go but says:"ok, but it's just a quickie, Felipe. I have to go home." Felipe excels and she is very impressed with him. She says to her friends her marriage with Kimi is not so well.
-. Kovalainen smiles as he thinks everyone likes him at the job.
- Coulthard, Fisichella and Rubens reach dinner.
- Alonso stalks Jenni for a while too

2 AM

- Hamilton sleeps
- Kovalainen sleeps
- Vettel sleeps and looks like an angel
- Coultard Fisichella and Rubens play cards
- Jenni gets home and decides to give Kimi another opportunity. With time to spend, the Finn takes the chance and makes love to her 7 times in a row, she fells in love again.
- Ross Brawn finally opens the package. Inside are the 0,6 tenths that Renault was looking for.

[Franky R.]

Een afscheidskaartje van Bernie voor Mosley, BMW en Toyota...

[Franky R.]

Als Kovalainen niet in zijn Lotus zit...

[Franky R.]

Deze is helemaal mooi!!!!

Check die kop van Wurz, hahahahahaha!!!

[Franky R.]

"Ik ben een briefje van 750 euro kwijt. Ligt het daar ergens, jongens???"

[Franky R.]

Deze is me te machtig...
Piquet Junior in voorbereiding op zijn comeback in de Formule 1...


Goed zo Nelsinho...Vergeet je geen gewichten aan je hoofd te hangen? Iets met G-krachten en zo...